Korn has the honor of being the very first metal band I ever got obsessed with. Around the time I got into Slipknot (~2008), I was introduced to Jonathan Davis' insane jibberish. I remember listening to Twisted Transistor over and over, I had illegally downloaded it along with a few other hits of theirs on some software I couldn't tell you the name of now.

Fastforward a few years, I'd say about 2011, my obsession with them went nuclear. The older I got and the more complicated things became, the more I leaned on music as a crutch for the lack of control I had over just about everything. Around this time is when I got my drivers liscense and thus finally had a place to privately listen to my own music without worrying about my mom finding it. I bought some kind of greatest hits korn CD collection at the local media store and had it in rotation for years. I was still listening to their albums on repeat (along with other music of course) when I turned 18 in 2013 and got a job at a tattoo shop.

A lot of my memories of Korn are tied to that tattoo shop, I'd listen to them every night in order to cool off after dealing with the general public and the guys I worked with, but there is one other thing that stands out evern more...

With a car and money of my own, I was able to get my older sister and I 2 tickets to Night of the Living Dreads at the Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City. That night was one of the best in my life, it was my very first concert and seeing Korn live was an absolutely religious experience. I was so affected by it all, in fact, as soon as I got home from it I went directly to work to get a Korn tattoo from one of the artists I worked with, lol.

It kinda goes without saying that Korn has the same effect on me that Slipknot does, but multiply it by at least 5. They are my everything, they always will be. Their lyrics are some of, if not THE, most relatable shit I've ever heard. Sometimes it feels like they made music expressly to pull me out of every pit I've ever been in.

One of my very first loves in the metal scene, Slipknot has been with me since I was around 13 years old in 2008. I had been fighting tooth and nail to exist as myself under a parent obsessed with god and shaping me into her in every possible way. My older sister, for not the first time, showed me one of her favorite bands (honestly probably in an attempt to get back at my mom) and an obsession was born.

Slipknot, to me, is so much more than their music. I said as much on my homepage, but they're a huge reason I'm even alive. Their lyrics speak to my very existance, the music raises bumps on my skin and pulls emotions from the pits of my being like no other. I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm anything and everything at once every time I blast this shit in my headphones.

My mother hates this band, and from her perspective I can see why. Under their influece I was able to rebel, I was inspired to push back. My sister and I would play their albums as loud as we could when I'd escape with her to literally anywhere other than home. They were a point of bonding for her and I (among other bands I'll talk about here) after her and my mom had had a huge falling out that resulted in us moving to another city away from her.

I bet it isn't too hard for you to believe at this point that I was pretty recluse as well throughout my teenage years. I was trapped, quite literally, at home. My mom didn't allow me friends, she didn't trust me despite that I hadn't done shit to deserve that distrust. It was all a result of her needing control over me, and Slipknot was one of my only escapes. I could rarely act out, but they vented all the despair for me when I found the time to secretly play their tracks.

You deal with that shit for long enough, you start looking for monsters where there are none. I still get that looming feeling of opression, I still get afraid. The world is so fucking cruel, but at least I've got a way to unleash the violence I feel through music. To this day Slipknot remains a savior of sorts for me, I don't think this will ever change.

Lifelover is a failry new love of mine, but they've gotten me through a ton of shit in recent memory. I can't remember exactly when I started listening to them, everything has been so hazy for the last few years, but they quickly gripped my soul and haven't released it since I found them.

It's hard for me to explain the way this band makes me feel. It's like the music is choving its dirty fingers into my chest and ripping out everything I never wanted the world to see. And in the past, as you can probably tell from the post about Attila just before this one, I would have hated them for this. I never wanted my hurt to be known back then, but as my life has progressed, I've started to feel a lot differently about that.

I've gotten worse and worse at being able to keep any of my despair hidden underneath my anger, it feels like it just pours out of me these days. That old metaphore about the dam breaking and everything being let loose is real, and hell to experience, but bands like Lifelover will catch you in the tide if you let them.

Lifelover has coaxed me into letting myself feel misery. That might sound counterproductive, but for someone like me it's the most productive thing I can possibly do. You get told enough times that even the slightest emotion is burdensome, and you will stop feeling. That's dangerous. It builds and builds. Lifelover helps me release the pressure, reminds me screaming and crying and sadness is human, reminds me self expression is a good, not shameful, and is a pretty fucking powerful thing.

It's been about a decade since I listened to metalcore regularly, but yesterday Attila was recommended to me and it really threw me for a nostalgic loop. Listening to them takes me right back to my late teen years, lmao. And I guess that's not entirely bad, I had a different view of the world back then. I was a fearless little shit ready for anything. I don't remember what it was like to have that much audacity, honestly, but listening to Attila again has kinda rekindled that feeling in my soul.

My older sister was the one to introduce me to Attila back when we moved in together to get out of our mom's hair, so around 2014. About That Life was my favorite album, but Proving Grounds from Guilty Pleasure was my favorite song. It's kinda funny looking back on it. I really thought I was hot shit.

After listening to some of their newer stuff from the last few years, it brings me a lot of joy to know they've hardly changed their sound. I'd still recognize them in any one of these songs, without a doubt. Which is a lot more than I can say for a few of my old favorites.

Fronz's vocals are still super impressive to me and fun to listen to. His different growls and clean vocals had me thinking he was at least 2 different people when I first heard them. I remember losing my mind when I found out it was all just one guy, and it only made me admire him more.

Anyway, thank you Attila for getting me through one of the wildest times in my life and ushering me through the very beginning of adulthood. XOXO.